-I do not promote anything. I just write what's on my mind
Do you know how it feels to wake up and feel like you’re worthless and all you can think of is all these weird situations you could die in…and long for every one of them..long for it to come so you don’t have to be called selfish.
Do you know how if feels to wake up…be awake all the day and to finally come to the night and can fall asleep or make yourself sleep so that you finally feel you’re dead without being dead.
How you can just go away wherever you want in your mind and just be dead….Do you know how it feels? Do you?
Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, yet, tomorrow is too often a repetition of today. And you disappoint yourself again and again.
James T. Mckay (via i-was-born-backwards)
I’m still alive. Still here. But not because I deserve life. Just because I couldn’t make my family and friends feel pain. I’m not worth it but I know I would hurt them. They’d be unhappy. And I would’ve failed my life goal. So I suffer to keep people around me happy
I figured it out. Why I can’t talk about it. Why I can’t tell anyone. It’s because then it would be real. I wouldn’t be able to take. It would be back so much stronger. I can feel it. No word shall be spoken about my scars. About my voices. About my “bad” side
I would love to tell everyone here how much they helped me. How much better I am because of them. But in order to do that I would have to start off with telling how bad I was. And how bad I still am. And I can’t to do that. I can’t talk about it. I just can’t. I was close. I had the text all written but I couldn’t send it. I can’t have people worry about me. I have to worry about people. It doesn’t work the other way. My only purpose on this earth is to make other people happy. And to keep them happy. I live through other people’s happiness.